Last month, I was at the ENT doctor with Charleston, the 1 1/2 year old who was climbing on anything and everything and wouldn't be still for a second despite his raging ear infection. Even the doctor couldn’t get him still enough to look in his ear. As I lifted the baby, and caught him from another fall off of another height, the kind doctor put his hand on my arm and said, “Bless your heart.” And somehow it made me feel better.
We were at church this week and it came time for the Children’s Sermon. The children paraded in from the nursery and sat on the front row. I always get a little nervous that my son is going to say something loud and inappropriate (though I am coming to realize the best place to say something loud and inappropriate may actually be in church.) My 3-year-old sat on the front row and turned around and said, “hi mommy” and then turned back to the preacher. The preacher had an acorn in his hand, and I know he said some beautiful things about the seed having to go deep in order to grow, but what I remember most is him saying “This is a tree, but it’s not a tree yet.” And I saw my little straw haired 3 year old boy’s head peeking out from the top of the church pew and I got it for a brief moment. “He’s not a tree yet.” And somehow it made me feel better.
I went for a hike yesterday. Which is a rare occurrence right now, but is again becoming a spiritual practice for me. I walked up the mountain and breathed and prayed but mostly just breathed - and I passed an acorn. It was green and lay in the middle of the red clay covered trail. It spoke to me. “Pick me up.” But I walked on up the trail. I turned to run down the mountain. And I saw the acorn in the middle of the trail and again, I ran past. It spoke to me “Pick me up.” I used to see signs everywhere - as metaphor after metaphor of life and growth and spirituality. I used to not run past. I used to pick up every metaphor I could carry. But my kids don’t sleep, therefore I don’t sleep. My boys are “spirited” so I use most of my creative energies trying to find creative outlets for their energies. So basically, I am full of excuses. I am too tired for metaphor. I am too busy for acorns. But yesterday, I listened to the acorn. I turned around and ran back up the trail and said out loud, “I have to pick this up.” I knelt down and grabbed my little green acorn and ran down the mountain and put the acorn in my car. “It’s not a tree yet,” I said as I sat it down and put my car in drive and zoomed through my day. “I’m not a tree yet.” And there is something beautiful here about going deep in order to grow - but for now, I am just going to take it for what it is - I’m going to carry this tree around with me - and know “it’s not a tree yet.” I’m not a tree yet, my sons aren’t trees yet, my husband is not a tree yet, my best friend is not a tree yet. This green acorn is my reminder to treat others and myself with all tenderness and kindness and compassion as we grow and fail - and to hold our imperfections as gently as little seedlings.
The day went on, and I picked up my boys from preschool. I got the little one buckled in his car seat while Burton, the 3-year-old, climbed and rummaged all through the car. He ended up in the front seat and he found the acorn. He held it high and said to me, “Look mommy, it’s a tree, but it’s not a tree yet.” And I said, “Yes, baby, be gentle with it, because just like us it has to grow.”
-Mandee Radford Langley
Mandee is 1/2 of the acoustic/folk duo Alathea. You can find their music on iTunes, spotify and wherever else you download your music. They are also on Facebook and instagram: alatheamusic
-Mandee Radford Langley
Mandee is 1/2 of the acoustic/folk duo Alathea. You can find their music on iTunes, spotify and wherever else you download your music. They are also on Facebook and instagram: alatheamusic
